Latino Day Laborers High Risk for HIV

State and local Leaders Call for Action on Alarming New Latino HIV/AIDS Trends

SACRAMENTO, California – (March 21, 2006) – With new data revealing surprising numbers of day laborers engaging in unsafe sex for money and a spiraling crystal meth crisis among Latino men, AIDS advocates today pressed state lawmakers to re-focus state HIV prevention efforts in response to disproportionate growth in new cases of HIV and AIDS among California's Latinos.

"We're calling on Sacramento to increase and re-deploy resources to fight new infection trends," said Oscar De La O, President and CEO of BIENESTAR, the state's largest Latino HIV/AIDS service organization. "Proven new strategies like innovative mobile units with rapid HIV tests need Sacramento's support if we're going to begin to break the chain of infection in our community," said De La O at a special legislative briefing in the state capitol supported by the California State Latino Legislative Caucus, Assembly Speaker Fabian Nuñez and Assemblywoman Cindy Montañez.

"It's not common knowledge that Latinos now make up most of Los Angeles County's AIDS cases, or that a majority of Latinas with HIV have not engaged in risky behavior yet still end up being infected with HIV" said Assemblywoman Montañez, who sits on the Assembly Health Committee and represents the San Fernando Valley. She adds, "In addition to making sure Sacramento leads on the issue, we need to ensure Latino media and local leaders are speaking out and rallying our community to prevent more infections."

Today's hearing focused in part on two dramatic new studies: One on high-risk sexual behaviors of day laborers, and the other on increased risk created by crystal methamphetamine abuse among young Latino men. Dr. Frank Galvan, a research investigator with Charles R. Drew University of Medicine and Science who spoke at the briefing, said "Many day laborers are being approached for sex and a significant number are engaging in high risk behavior. We need to provide more HIV prevention education, especially to day laborers with lower education and those who are drug dependent."

Day laborers had not previously been regarded as a group at high risk for HIV, but a 2005 study conducted by Charles Drew University and Bienestar of 450 Latino immigrant day laborers found 38% reported they had been approached for sex, of which almost 10% participated in sexual activities. "About three-fourths of those engaging in sex reported unsafe practices," said Galvan, who noted that the study focused on six hiring sites in Los Angeles where websites indicated day laborers could be sought for sexual activity. "We went to those six day laborer sites, and asked if they had been approached for sex by another man in the context of their work as day laborers," said Galvan. He also reported that day laborers who were more likely to have sex tended to also experience drug dependency, have lower education levels, and had been day laborers for longer periods of time (five or more years).

The hearing also focused on surprisingly high levels of crystal methamphetamine use among newly diagnosed HIV-positive Latino men. Researcher Trista Bingham of Los Angeles County's HIV Epidemiology Program reported that "after adjusting for other traditional risk factors, newly diagnosed HIV-positive Latino men who have sex with men were almost 9 times more likely to report crystal use than men without HIV." The study, which included over 1500 participants of all race and ethnic groups over twelve months, found that crystal use was highest among Latinos (20%), and that crystal was associated with higher prevalence of unprotected anal intercourse and with newly diagnosed HIV. "To prevent new HIV infections among Latinos, a reduction in the use of crystal must be a central focus," said Bingham.

The Best of Gay Los Angeles - v. 2006

The Best of Gay Los Angeles

From bike paths to breakup spots, our definitive guide to L.A.’s gay (and gay-adjacent) essentials

Compiled by Aslan Brooke, Alexander Cho, Lenora Claire, Japhy Grant, Korina Jochim, and Jeff Matthews. Illustration by Peter Meszaros for Frontiers

GAY TATTOO ARTIST
Okay, so there aren’t many in Dave Davenport’s (aka “Dogspunk”) category, but we think he’s in a category all his own. Every time we ask someone with some hot ink where they got it, invariably they say, “Dave Davenport!” Known best for his superb tribal designs, the soft-spoken Davenport, who runs his own Silver Lake studio, Dogspunk, says his favorite new piece is a portrait of Oscar Wilde. Dave estimates that 90% of his clientele are gay, and admits that the tattoo subculture is “a harsh environment to be gay and out in.” We love Dave for providing a space—and some superb art—for gay tattoo aficionados. • 3806 De Longpre Ave. • 213/422-4801 • http://www.dogspunk.com/

MELROSE SHOPPING
Ever since Elisa Donovan’s bitchily immortal words in Clueless (“We’re going to Melrose”), we’ve been wary of the stretch of L.A.’s most famous shopping street between Fairfax and La Brea. There’s just something about the blaring music, overpriced shiny shirts, and super-pushy salespeople that rubs us the wrong way. Thank goodness the last few years have seen a blossoming of actually shoppable men’s retail outposts west of Fairfax: Energie, Costume National, Paul Smith, Miu Miu, Marc Jacobs, and G-Star Raw all orbit L.A. staple Fred Segal (at Crescent Heights Boulevard). Sure, price points here may be a little higher than their east-of-Fairfax counterparts—but then again, have you seen what they’re asking for those shiny shirts these days?

GAY GYM
From its peekaboo showers to its celebrity clientele, Crunch is where we go when we want to get ripped—and look hot while doing it. Even the weight machines are lined up for maximum voyeuristic potential at this Sunset Plaza temple of hip health. While programs like “Cardio Striptease” seem like the obvious place to get your taste of flesh, it’s the Saturday afternoon yoga class that we’ve started calling “Hot Boy Yoga” that has the most potential for finding your future ex-workout partner. • 8000 Sunset Blvd. • 323/654-4550 • www.crunch.com

CUP OF COFFEE
The best cup of coffee in town isn’t at a coffee house; if you want it, you’ll have to go see an opera (not a hardship for some of you, we know). It’s during intermission at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion that you’ll find an incomparable distillation of that marvelous bean—a Dutch brand called Douwe Egberts. It comes to about 50 cents an ounce at the Chandler, but you can also get it at home with a Senseo machine. It only took one sip to convert an inveterate coffee-hater among us to a three-a-week fiend. • 135 N. Grand Ave. • 213/972-7211 • www.musiccenter.org

GAY BAR (R.I.P.)
If we could turn back time and convince owners Len and Andrew not to sell their cramped, bordello-chic venue The Parlour Club last year to straight, bourgie L.A. nightlife staple Sean MacPherson (El Carmen, Jones, Good Luck Bar), we would gladly give our first-born! But since we’ve promised that more than a few times over, it probably wouldn’t have helped. Home to Mario Diaz’s Hotdog and Vaginal Davis’ (pictured here) Weimar-era throwback club Bricktops, among countless other off-kilter promotions that came and went, the Parlour had a special place in our hearts, as well as L.A.’s often clone-like gay nightlife scene. We’ll miss you!

DAY TRIP
L.A.’s an awful lot of urban, and it sometimes seems improbably difficult to find some actual scenery. If you’ve got a day, the best way to get out of the city is to head to Arcadia—yes, Arcadia—and get to know the L.A. County Arboretum. The sections of the arboretum are organized mostly by geographical region (Australian, African, etc.—the spicy air of the South American section is particularly soothing), but you’ll also find a prehistoric forest, a lake area dotted with historic buildings, and rose and herb gardens. Not to mention, if you’re there with someone special, plenty of places to sneak away for a quick kiss. • 301 N. Baldwin Ave., Arcadia • 626/821-3222 • www.arbore tum.org

HIPSTER HAIRCUT
Whether you’re updating your fauxhawk for a night out or trying to take that perfect photo for MySpace, no hipster is complete without a coif compliments of Purple Circle. Dish the dirt with delicious stylist and co-owner Andrew Marlin as you bleach out those pesky roots and try not to drool over the rocker boys that like to hang out in front. • 1724 N. Vermont Ave. • 323/666-2965 • www.purple-circle.com

NEW GAYBORHOOD
Everyone loves it when the gays move in—houses get spruced up and property values shoot through the roof! With even Echo Park getting pricey these days, we asked real estate agent Richard Bartholomew from Sotheby’s International for the scoop on L.A.’s newest up-and-coming homo hood. “[It’s] Pickfair Village, between Fairfax and Hauser and Pico and Venice,” he says. “Every second or third house is being renovated. A lot of gay people are moving down there because West Hollywood, and even the surrounding areas like Carthay Circle and the Beverly Center area, have become so expensive.” See, you don’t have to move to the Valley after all.


TACKY HOUSES
You know what we love? People with money. You know what we love more than people with money? People who spend it on really hideous houses. That’s why we’re gaga over the community located off Laurel Canyon Boulevard called Mt. Olympus. This bizarre collection of homes was clearly trying to go for some sort of nouveau-Roman chic in the ’60s. Instead, they managed to create their own movement we’ll just call “Neocrassical.” We’re not even going to begin to describe any of the houses in particular. Do yourself a favor and take a little driving tour. It’s just too hot to miss. • Entrance: Mt. Olympus Boulevard at Laurel Canyon Boulevard

SALE
For the best deals in town on designer duds and other fabulous items, look no further than Macy’s. Every fall, the department store holds its annual Macy’s Passport fundraising event, with a huge sale and fashion show to benefit support and education for people living with HIV/AIDS. It usually costs about $10 to shop the store on that day, and in addition to contributing toward a great cause, you get discounts storewide. The best part? You can buy your ticket early and “pre-sale” items in the store; that is, you reserve the item early and pick it up and pay for it on the sale day with your $10 deposit. It’s freakin’ amazing! • Macy’s Beverly Center • www.macys.com

READING SERIES
Los Feliz Village’s Skylight Books is just cool. From the fat orange cat perpetually snoozing in the window to their great selections of fiction, art books, political nonfiction, and magazines, Skylight is a bit of fresh independence in a corporate world. The icing on the cake, however, is the truly amazing artists and authors they have in to read, sign, and discuss their work. Some upcoming writers we are excited to see include Michelle Tea, A.M. Homes, and Bernard Cooper. It’s also a great place to socialize with smart, cultured people who can hold up their end of the conversation. Who knew? • 1818 N. Vermont Ave. • 323/660-1175 • www.skylightbooks.com

CUTE UNDERWEAR
Even though the boy-brief trend may be a little pervy, there’s something irresistible about a cute guy in a cute pair of tighty-whities. At Alpha Gear for Gents, owners Christos Garkinos and Darren Gold make it a habit to hand-pick gorgeous little things from all over; Nike white label, Nicole Farhi, and L.A.-chic label Band of Outsiders have all been part of their frequently changing retail lineup. Underwear-wise, they were the first to introduce the AussieBum underwear line to L.A., and they now carry fun low-rise Aussie label DT Jocks. If Alpha’s track record means anything, DT will be everywhere next year. • 8625 Melrose Ave. • 310/855-0775 • www. alpha-man.com

ESTHETICIAN
Now, we know our facials, and Marc Edward Skin Care gives the best in town. Marc, in his new digs at the French Market, is an experienced medical esthetician with an encyclopedic knowledge of skin. What distinguishes Marc is that he educates his clients about how to care for their skin rather than just treating them in his chair. But if you have sat in his chair, you know that his treatments are first-class and cutting-edge, and reveal glowing skin you didn’t know you had. • 7985 Santa Monica Blvd. • 213/705-8899 • www.marc edwardskincare.com

STATUS WATER
Last year’s was Voss, a Scandinavian water in a monolithic cylinder; this year it’s Metromint, from a company based out of San Francisco. Founder Rio Miura credits a family camping trip with the idea for the naturally mint-tinged water. (Does anyone really need a stash of mint-flavored water for their hydration needs? No, but that’s probably the point.) Place it in a prominent location at work. • Available at Whole Foods Markets, or online at www.metromint.com.

BODY WAXING
Funnily enough, we discovered Waxing World’s proprietress Clara through another L.A. best-of item written by Clint Catalyst, and we need to give props to Clint for unearthing this hidden treasure. Clara manages to be charming and efficient at the same time, and her prices are excellent. But she doesn’t do male Brazilian waxes, so don’t ask. When we asked her why, she simply said in her clipped accent, “No experience at this, my dear.” Stay above the belt, though, and you’ll be smooth as a baby in no time. • 292 S. La Cienega Blvd., Suite 106 • 310/657-4012

GROOMING PRODUCTS
Kristy in the Beverly Center is piled from floor to ceiling with just about every grooming product (and skin-care product, and cologne) known to man: American Crew, Brave Soldier, KMS, MOP, Redken, Paul Mitchell, Nickel, and many others. The real fun, however, is coming out of the store with a product you’ve never heard of before, that you happened upon while rummaging through the stacks and stacks of stuff, and that smells/feels/looks absolutely delicious. • Beverly Center level six, near Bloomingdale’s • 310/659-1041 • www.kristybeauty.com

DOG PARK
Situated in the center of hipsterville, the Silver Lake dog park is the place to see and be seen for the pet set. The park is divided in half, with one side belonging to little dogs in sweaters and the other side to big butch things chasing after Frisbees. 6 p.m. to 7 p.m. is the ideal time to go, as the park is full of people (and their pets) just off work, and the dogs look awfully cute playing together against the backdrop of the sunset. Bring your own baggie! • 1850 Silver Lake Blvd.

GAY BEACH
While “Ginger” Rogers Beach is undeniably closer, Laguna Beach has everything we look for in a gay beach: Great sand, cerulean waves pounding the shore, seclusion, and lots of worked-out skin. Every 4th of July, like grunion, the gay men of the metro L.A. area converge on one small beach just south of the main drag where they all stand around in swimsuits looking pretty for each other. A few hardy souls actually swim or play volleyball, but the main event here is cruising. Once the sun sets, the herd make their way over to Woody’s bar, where all that staring can finally pay off. • In South Laguna at West Street and Pacific Coast Highway, near the Montage Hotel and Aliso Beach

ALTERNATIVE THEATRE
We’ve always thought of the Cavern Club Celebrity Theater, located beneath Casita del Campo restaurant—1920 Hyperion Ave., and that’s “House of Camp” for you gringos—as the cultural gem of the East Side. That is, if you long to see plays about Wham’s artistic struggle, S&M cabaret, or Jackie Beat singing Christmas carols. We also love how the performers usually come up for drinks and chat with everyone after the show. (You’ll never see the cast at the Pantages doing that.) • 1920 Hyperion Ave. • 323/969-2530 • www.cavernclubthe ater.com

MAGAZINE SELECTION
It’s not your average newsstand, but that’s exactly why we appreciate the carefully curated magazine selection at Rudy’s Barbershop in Silver Lake. Depending on when you go (Rudy’s does not take appointments, only call-aheads), the wait can be long. Good thing there’s a wide selection of magazines that ranges from the just-left-of-mainstream (Nylon, Paper) to obscure art offerings from afar (the Netherlands’ über-hip gay title Butt) to tide you over. • 4451 Sunset Blvd. • 323/661-6535 • www.rudysbarbershop.com

MOVIE THEATER
While we think the prices are outrageous, they’re only slightly more outrageous than your typical ho-hum megaplex—and at the ArcLight you get reserved seating, an employee who watches the first few minutes of the movie with you to ensure the print looks good, decent food, a bar, and the occasional screening that lets you bring your drink in with you. Add to that a free membership card good for discounts on many shows, easy parking access, a pretty cool store, the opportunity to see 70-mm. films in the Cinerama dome, and an audience that won’t talk through the show. • 6360 W. Sunset Blvd. • 323/464-1478 • www.arclight cinemas.com

ELEVATOR LOVE
If you find yourself downtown it’s hard to miss the 35-story futuristic Westin Bonaventure Hotel. Made up of five cylindrical mirrored-glass towers, the hotel is almost as famous for its elevator-oriented displays of exhibitionism as it is for the high-profile films that have been shot there. And it works in reverse—the elevators are prime perches for peeking into the rooms of kinky couples who like to put on a show. • 404 S. Figueroa St. • 213/624-1000

GAY AND LESBIAN MIX
In a West Hollywood gay scene that’s notoriously sex-segregated, it’s always refreshing to stop by the Abbey on a weekday night. Boys, girls, straight, gay, lesbian (and anywhere in between) mill about under the stars, in cabanas, and through the well-realized year-old expansion, Ice Bar. Our favorite Abbey moments, though, happen on weekend afternoons, after a brunch and a few cocktails: sunglasses on, martini half-gone, inter-table banter going, and what feels like a genuine sense of community as LGBT citizens of this fair city. • 692 N. Robertson Blvd. • 310/289-8410 • www.abbeyfoodandbar.com

CLUB NIGHT
Tuesday nights are our favorite night of the week thanks to MJ’s in Silver Lake. Rimjob is the perfect party cocktail: one part rock music, one part cheap drinks, a hefty catalog of the city’s hottest go-go boys in all shapes and sizes dancing for your dollars, and a dash of raunch to get your mind thinking about what a dirty lad you’re going to be later. There’s no surprise that the crowd here actually dances, makes out, and gets it on when there’s this much testosterone flying in the air—not to mention jockstraps. Rimjob disproves once and for all the myth that L.A.’s homo population doesn’t know how to party unless there’s a red carpet in front of the door. • MJ’s: 2810 Hyperion Ave. • 323/660-1503.

ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT SUSHI
Often these all-you-can-eat places are sort of … skanky, but not Midori Sushi. When we feel like being low-pro in the Valley and getting our sushi on, Midori is de rigueur. For $23 you can stuff your face with all sorts of delights; our number-one favorite item though is the baked green mussels—mouthwatering! There are rules of course, including not being able to order more until you’ve finished what’s on your plate, and a one-hour limit to the piggery. • 13905 Ventura Blvd., Sherman Oaks; 818-789-1188 • 11622 Ventura Blvd., Studio City; 818/623-7888

ICE CREAM CONE
We’re pretty happy that Ben & Jerry’s finally moved into our neighborhood. It sweetens the deal in regards to the overwhelming West Hollywood Gateway that is now the corner of Santa Monica and La Brea. We can sit in the courtyard on a balmy evening, happily licking our double scoop Mint Chocolate Chunk waffle cone whilst watching the droves go in and out of Target. The best part: getting free samples of the flavors while pretending to be indecisive. • 7100 Santa Monica Blvd., space 135 • 323/845-0834 • www.benjerry.com

HOMEMADE CORN TORTILLAS
You don’t get more off-the-beaten-path than Don Zarape in Valley Village. In fact, it’s challenging even to find it online. But this tiny place churns out some amazing, authentic Mexican food, has great, cheap daily specials, and produces the best corn tortillas we’ve tasted in Los Angeles. The carne asada plate, fresh guacamole, and soft tacos are out of this world. It’s located right off the intersection of Laurel Canyon and Burbank Boulevard. • 12042 Burbank Blvd. • 818/623-0028

NEW FAD DRINK
We scratched our heads mightily on this one, trying to identify the next cosmo, and the answer was right under our noses. Vodka and sake infusions are where it’s at—think the high-end version of that jungle juice you and your dorm-mates made in college. The big-boy update is fresh, seasonal fruit steeped in fancy brands of vodka and sake, which are the two alcohols that most readily absorb and disperse the fruity flavors. It’s tasty, it’s got cachet, and a little goes a long way. Check out BOA Steakhouse’s pineapple infusion for starters. • 101 Santa Monica Blvd., Santa Monica • 310/899-4466

BREAKUP SPOT
Does your significant other talk too much about his ex, suffer from questionable hygiene, or is just plain annoying? When you know you’re going to have to cut them loose, why not make the best of it and do it at Disneyland? Public spots are the best places to avoid messy scenes, and you know he won’t call you any filthy names with all the kiddies hanging around. It’s hard to be sad at the “happiest place on Earth,” so you have that in your favor, but plan ahead and take separate cars. • 1313 S. Harbor Blvd., Anaheim • 714/781-4565 • www.disneyland.com

HIKING
We scoff at people who suggest that Runyon Canyon is anything besides an excuse to gab on your hands-free while scoping shirtless out-of-work actors; the real hiking to be had in L.A. is west of the 405, on trails starting in Temescal Canyon. While not boot-camp strenuous, the Temescal Loop trail, which includes a pass by a waterfall and an optional leg up to Skull Rock, is a workout for the casual hiker and close enough to civilization to be a simple Saturday-morning excursion. There are numerous trailheads, but the easiest to find is at the end of the Temescal Gateway Park. • Sunset Blvd. at Temescal Canyon • www.lamountains.com

18+ CLUB NIGHT
Since its inception in 2001, Tigerheat has been drawing a critical mass of gay boys from all across Southern California on Thursday nights. (Now at the Arena in Hollywood, the event draws an average of 1,500 people a week.) DJ Ray Rhodes (also on KBIG) tapped into a huge cultural shift when he started Tigerheat with partners Jason Lavitt and Howie T. with the express purpose of celebrating the charts rather than shunning them, going so far as to DJ using music-video DVDs instead of simple vinyl. It paid off. The addition of a VIP lounge in 2004 cemented the draw for L.A.’s gay-listers and gay-friendly starlets like Drew Barrymore and Nicole Ritchie. • The Arena: 6655 Santa Monica Blvd. • www.clubtigerheat.com

MEDITATION LOCATION
You might get lost a couple times on the way there, but Paramahansa Yogananda’s Self-Realization Fellowship Mother Center in the hills of Mt. Washington is the most serene place in town. The lush gardens, fragrant wisteria, and ponds of contented koi all lend themselves to no-mind reflection. The city below seems almost like a forgotten dream. We far prefer this location to the lake shrine in Pacific Palisades, as it is never crowded. It’s always free, but remember to be respectful and quiet while you’re there! • 3880 San Rafael Ave. • 323/225-2471 • www.yogananda-srf.org

HOLE-IN-THE-WALL
Your first clue that entering the Blacklite is like entering another world might be the man selling single shoes out in front (one red pump and one white sneaker). Walk through the black garbage-bag curtains (which might normally come across as tacky until you notice that’s also how the ceiling is decorated). Have a seat at the bar and enjoy a pickled egg from the giant jar that’s staring you in the face. If you don’t like the house vodka, you can use it later to bargain with the working girls that frequent the bar for use as nail polish remover. And if you really like the Blacklite, perhaps you’ll stick around for one of their infamous “after” parties. • 1159 N. Western Ave. • 323/469-0211

MUSEUM FOOD
Visiting a museum can be hungry work, especially if you end up looking at room after room of groaning-table still lifes; and while we mean no disrespect to the McDonald’s at the Natural History Museum (...okay, we do), the Cafe at the Getty Center is your best bet for recharging before a lap around the photography collection. The menu changes daily, and includes such items as pizzas made in-house, chicken coconut curry, fresh salads, and an array of scrumptious sweets for after, all available in a cafeteria-like setting reminiscent of the Mt. Rushmore restaurant in North by Northwest. • 1200 Getty Center Dr. • 310/440-7300 • www.getty.edu

GAY BAR
So many gay bars to choose from! And yet, wherever we choose to kick off the night, we somehow always end up heading east to Akbar to close it out. Perhaps it has something to do with the perfect low-level lighting, the new dance-floor expansion, or the genuinely personable bar staff. Or maybe the consistently hip jukebox, or the fact that it seems to draw the cutest guys on the East Side. Or perhaps that it’s great to go someplace on a weekend night that’s full, but not a mob scene. It’s probably all of the above. And the fact that most times we go, we end up actually making friends. At a gay bar. In L.A. Imagine that. • 4356 Sunset Blvd. • 323/665-6810

TRIVIA MACHINES
Nestled between all the white-hot hangouts on Cahuenga Boulevard is our home away from home, the Spotlight. Sure, some patrons might lean a little on the shady side—but if we were the kind to judge, we wouldn’t have any friends! What keeps us coming back isn’t the strong, inexpensive drinks; it’s the trivia machines. We’re only slightly embarrassed to tell you how many nights have ended slumped over the stools with friends trying to figure out what film won the Oscar for Best Picture in 1971. We probably could have put a down payment on a new car with all the quarters we’ve spent in that damn thing. • 1601 N. Cahuenga Blvd.

TRADER JOE’S PARKING LOT
We love TJ’s, absolutely. But what’s up with those tiny crammed parking lots with only like 10 spaces? Argh! Too much humanity (and too many SUVs) for us to deal with. So we skip on over to the West Hollywood store on Santa Monica Boulevard between La Brea and Fairfax, in “Movieland Plaza,” where there are always, always, always parking spots. Phew. Our personal space is important to us. • 7304 Santa Monica Blvd. • 323/851-9772 • www.traderjoes.com

SOCIAL SCREENING TOOL
While we hate MySpace.com’s overuse of invasive audio clips and JPEG backgrounds, it’s where the kids go these days, so we signed up and put our Friendster accounts into retirement. It’s not that anyone ever uses the site to meet new people—it’s far more fun to learn about people you’ve just met. A quick look and you’ll find out that humpy “studio executive” is really—you guessed it—a waiter. And nothing is more revealing then browsing through a guy’s testimonials. If his friends say he’s “honest and a great guy at playing scary stalker defense when you find yourself trapped at bars,” you may have a winner. If they say “He was totally flossin’ till he stole my Prada sweater, my toothbrush, Mimsy, our Pekinese and my heart. That bitch is gonna get cut,” you should run. Fast.

PLACE TO MEET OUT-OF-TOWNERS
You know it as “that weird spaceship thing at LAX,” but Encounter is also a great place to meet that species of man with the least demands: the out-of-towner. Walk past an incongruous (and disconcerting) 9/11 memorial and ride up the intimate elevators and be launched into a world of ’60s mod glamour and gorgeous views. While the food is uninspired, the drinks are winners. Besides, who wants a table with so many available and lonely men saddled up at the glitter-bedecked bar? • 209 World Way, LAX • For reservations (not needed for drinks): 310/215-5151

CHEAP THRILL
Many people who don’t know any better swear by the Barneys New York warehouse sale at Barker Hangar in Santa Monica for high-end bargains. We say: Besides the odd bargain on a designer suit, an ugly $300 sweater does not become appealing when it’s marked down to $200. The real reason why everyone should check out the Barneys warehouse sale has nothing to do with the clothes up for grabs—it’s the fact that people have no shame about shedding their own while shopping. We’ll take scoping a chiseled investment banker in his boxer briefs squeezing into marked-down John Varvatos jeans over an ugly sweater any day. • www.barkerhangar.com • Barneys New York in Beverly Hills • 310/276-4400

KNOCK-OFFS
Ever have the craving to buy colored contact lenses, knock-off Prada, and D&G—and snack on chili-covered coconut pieces—all in one place? Santee Alley, our very own Portobello Road, lies in the heart of Downtown, selling shoes, jackets, trinkets, and more that look almost as good as the real thing—for a whole lot cheaper. Those $300 John Varvatos shoes? Twenty bucks. Be warned that it’s a far cry from Rodeo Drive; the alley is mainly outdoors in makeshift tents and stalls, you’re expected to haggle over the price, and your “sales associate” is more likely to be a gruff Armenian than a peroxide-blonde wannabe starlet. And, oh yeah, it’s not exactly totally legal, either. • East of Santee Street, between Olympic Boulevard and 11th Street

SUGAR-DADDY HUNTING
Want to be able to do more than just window-shop at Marc Jacobs? Forget the bars and the parties in the hills; that’s for amateurs. We hear you can get a little sugar for your bowl while shopping for antiques at these Pasadena hot spots. Happy hunting! • Pasadena Antique Mall (35 S. Raymond Ave., Suite 130) • Antiques on Fair Oaks (330 S. Fair Oaks Ave.) • Pasadena Antique Center (440 & 480 S. Fair Oaks Ave.)

SUNGLASSES
Everything about l.a. Eyeworks screams high-end and trendy: minimalist decor, a staff that walked straight out of a Calvin Klein ad, and everywhere the latest in eyewear fashion. What could be an intimidating and unpleasant experience turns out, once you step inside, to be bliss—the staff is friendly and honest (we were politely told recently that the pair we were fawning over was too big for our face) and the selection is huge: everything from thick-framed plastic to thin rails of carbon-laminated titanium. • 7407 Melrose Ave. • 323/653-8255

PLACE TO HAVE A BROKEBACK MOMENT
A fiberglass Smokey Bear wishes you good hunting as you enter the Bigfoot Lodge, located in the wilderness between Los Feliz and Glendale. This rustic hipster hangout has become the de facto stomping ground for cute hetero boys who like to wear rockabilly t-shirts and Kiehl’s (aka metrosexuals). While sipping on a Girl Scout Cookie (tastes like a Thin Mint), we recently overheard one shaggy-haired lumberjack tell a girl how he likes to wear heels now and then “for the feeling.” • 3172 Los Feliz Blvd. • www.big footlodge.com

DATE RESTAURANT
Why on earth would we choose a South Indian vegetarian joint on a stretch of Sunset so seedy that you have to ring the doorbell before they’ll let you in as our pick for best date restaurant? Because once you’re inside, the pleasures of Paru’s are everywhere: garden seating that’s tranquil but never boring, delicious food that’s exotic without being dangerous (unlike most Indian restaurants, Paru’s isn’t big on spice), and an amiable wait staff. The secret-garden feel to the place makes any date magical, the hidden locale makes you come off like an L.A. insider, and the price is affordable. • 5140 W. Sunset Blvd. • 323/661-7600.

SHORTCUT
Parallel to and just one block south of Romaine, Willoughby Avenue is a small street but a mighty one. (Santa Monica is too slow and everyone knows about Fountain.) At every intersection there is a stop sign or traffic light (this ends at La Cienega, however), and you can easily cross West Hollywood in a few minutes flat using this lesser-known route. Word to the wise, though: A scary number of people cruise right through the stop signs on Willoughby, chatting away on their non-hands-free cell phones. Make eye contact with drivers before you barrel through the intersections!

PLACE TO MAKE THE PAPARAZZI THINK YOU’RE FAMOUS
Ever had one of those days where you need that extra bit of attention? Put on your most obnoxiously oversize sunglasses and cruise on down to the celeb-heavy stretch of Robertson Boulevard between Beverly and Burton Way. You can pretend to eat just like your favorite starlet at The Ivy (113 N. Robertson Blvd.) or buy some Kabbalah couture at Kitson (115 S. Robertson Blvd.). If you’re really feeling bold, make a friend who owes you a favor hide in the bushes and start photographing you. We promise the rest will follow.

CUSTOM SUIT
Tomomi Fukuda has been quietly tailoring custom suits for some of L.A.’s most influential tastemakers under her Camden Lock label for the past 10 years. (If her slim, four-button, Brit-inspired designs seem familiar, it might be because she’s personally responsible for Green Day’s look since their comeback album, American Idiot). Never fear—if you don’t have a Prada-trim frame, going custom is the way to go. “You don’t have to worry about your size. If you like to wear that style, but you are bigger and can’t find it in the big designers, we can make it custom,” Fukuda explains. Custom suits start at $359. • 7021 Melrose Ave. • 323/933-5752 • www.camdenlockla.com.


BIKE PATH
Walled in by concrete on all sides, Ballona Creek is a glorified storm drain, but that’s part of its appeal. Beginning in Culver City, you bicycle for eight miles through both the city’s embarrassing past and glimpses of its future. As you approach the creek’s mouth near Marina Del Rey, you’ll spot signs of efforts to remake it into something more natural. Banks of trees line the water’s edge, and an innovative floating barrier has been installed to keep the salt water from inundating the lower stretches of the creek. The path begins on National Boulevard about two blocks south of Venice Boulevard. • For more on efforts to restore Ballona Creek, visit www.ballona creek.org

The hardest thing........

The hardest thing we are asked to do in this world is to remain
aware of suffering, suffering about which we can do nothing.

Online hook-up dictionary.....

Here's a little lexicon to help wade through all the fancy language used out there......

Amp.....

Total Top: 1. I have masculinity and control issues. 2. I'm ugly and since most gay men are bottoms, I can hopefully get laid this way.

Total Bottom: 1. I'm selfish and lazy. 2. I was never properly toilet trained. 3. Like Totally Top, I also have control issues. 4. I have a small penis.

BB: 1. I don't care about my own well being, let alone YOURS. 2. I’m living in a fantasy world. 3. I'm completely self-destructive.

Bi-Curious: I’ve always wondered what it would be like to sleep with a woman.

Football Player Build: I’m hoping the sports metaphor will turn you on, but, be advised, I’m fat.

Average Build: Many people operate under the assumption that all gay men go to the gym, so, I’m hoping you’ll be dumb enough to think I do too. The average American male is out of shape and overweight, and so am I.

Medium Build: 1. Since people are catching on to the meaning of “average build,” I’ve started saying I have a medium build. 2. See “Average Build.”

Runner’s Build: I’m hoping the sports metaphor will turn you on, but, be advised, I’m skinny.

Swimmer’s Build: I’m slimmer than a football player, but beefier than a runner. I’ve never swam a day in my life but don’t know what else to call myself. I’m hoping the sports metaphor will turn you on.

Butch: I’m a big queen and think wearing a baseball cap and/or leather makes me look like a man.

I Scored X On straightacting.com: 1. I care way too much what other people think. 2. I have issues with being gay.

Pig: 1. Sex is the most important thing to me. 2. My life sucks, and sex helps deaden the pain.

PNP: 1. I take drugs, most likely crystal meth and I’m probably addicted. 2. My life sucks and drugs help deaden the pain. 3. I’m weak and haven’t asked for help yet, even though I desperately need it.

VGL: 1. I think my worth and your worth in the gay community is based solely on looks. 2. I’m insecure. 3. I desperately need to be validated. 4. Very Gay Looking.

S2R: I’m bitter, have been burned, and cling to it like a hungry baby to a bottle.

Massage Therapist: I take money for sex, but try to wrap it up in a nice sounding professional name.

Escort: 1. I’m a sex-addict, so I might as well make some money at it. 2. I’m really homely/average, and it makes me feel better about myself to think someone might pay me for sex, even though no one in their right mind ever would.

Discreet: 1. I’m cheating on my significant other. 2. I’m a closet case and paranoid.

Uninhibited: See “BB”

Where do you want to blow your load?: 1. I’m hoping you’ll say, “down your throat” or “up your hole.” 2. I’m looking for an excuse to reject you, so, no matter what your answer is, I can claim its incompatable with where I want it.

No Pic: 1. see “Discreet.” 2. I DO have a pic, but nobody wants to meet me once they see it, so, I’m better off saying I don’t have one. 3. I’m paraniod that someone will take my head and airbrush it onto Oprah’s body.

Straight-Acting: 1. I eroticize straight men way beyond what is reasonable and have wet dreams about straight-guys all the time. 2. I think straight men have a monopoly on masculinity. 3. I have unresolved issues with being gay. 4. I never got over being in love with my best friend in High-School.

Are you into black guys? 1. I’m black, and like Patty Hearst, I’ve adopted the mentality of my oppressors. I’m going from the assumption that attraction is not based on ME as an idividual, but rather the color of my skin. The plus side of this arrangement is, if you reject me, I don’t have to take it personally, I can just write you off as a racist. 2. I’m into white guys.

I’m not into/over the bar scene: 1. I currently have, or in the very recent past had, a huge emotional investment in the bar scene, otherwise I wouldn’t feel the need to proclaim so loudly that I’M OVER IT. 2. I can describe to you in detail the interior decoration of every club on the strip, and, am on a first name basis with all the bartenders. 3. I refer to my male friends as “her” and “she” behind their backs. 4. I haven’t figured out yet what I’m currently into so, instead of defining myself in a positive way, I’ve decided to focus on the negative. 5. I’m no longer as pretty as I once was, and don’t get the validation that I need at the bars anymore, so, I’ve decided to join a Gay Chorus.

Very Picky: 1. I have low self esteem so rather than risk getting hurt, I make everyone not good enough so I never have to face rejection or deal with the complexities of a real relationship. 2. I am looking for someone to support me so I no longer have to work retail. 3. I am looking for a trophy, not a lover. 4. I hate my father.

Boi/Boy: 1. I’m under 25. 2. I’m 35 and haven’t updated my pic, profile or mentality since I was 25. 3. I’m 55 pretending I’m 25. I will also use words like “sup,” “kewl” and “dood.”

Not Fat: Fat.

Photographer: I want to sleep with you but I’m too homely or shy to think of any other way I can see you naked besides pretending to be a photographer.

Couples Must Negotiate Terms of 'Brokeback' Marriages

Couples Must Negotiate Terms of 'Brokeback' Marriages

By KATY BUTLER, The New York Times

(March 7) -- One hour into "Brokeback Mountain," Amy Jo Remmele began to cry, and not just for the woman on-screen, standing in a doorway in Riverton, Wyo., watching her husband embrace a man.

	Focus Features Some couples see parallels between their marriages and the ones portrayed in the film "Brokeback Mountain."

"When I saw that look in her eyes, I thought, 'Oh, yeah.' Even though I never saw my husband with another man, I knew exactly how that woman would have felt," said Mrs. Remmele, a respiratory therapist in rural Minnesota.

On June 1, 2000, Mrs. Remmele, then 31, discovered her husband's profile on the Web site gay.com. The couple stayed up all that night weeping and talking. Soon afterward, 10 days before she gave birth to her second child, Mrs. Remmele's husband went off to spend a couple of nights with his new boyfriend. "I tried to talk him out of it, and he left anyway," Mrs. Remmele said. "I was devastated." Three months later the couple divorced.

Mrs. Remmele — now married to a farmer who raises cattle, corn and soybeans — is one of an estimated 1.7 million to 3.4 million American women who once were or are now married to men who have sex with men.

The estimate derives from "The Social Organization of Sexuality," a 1990 study, that found that 3.9 percent of American men who had ever been married had had sex with men in the previous five years. The lead author, Edward O. Laumann, a sociologist at the University of Chicago, estimated that 2 to 4 percent of ever-married American women had knowingly or unknowingly been in what are now called mixed-orientation marriages.

	Mixed-Orientation Marriages
	New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey and his wife, Dina Matos McGreevey, appear together in 2002. He resigned in 2004 after admitting an affair with a man. (AP) "These men genuinely love their wives. They fall in love with their wives, they have children... They don't mean any harm." -- Joe Kort, a clinical social worker in Royal Oak, Mich., who has counseled hundreds of gay married men "A lot of women feel that they were just used as covers, but I know in my heart of hearts he loved me." -- Amy Jo Remmele, ex-wife of a gay man "What is intimacy? I am totally committed on all levels to [my wife]. " -- Jerry Cormack, gay man who has been married for 36 years "He tried to go back in the closet, but the more research I did on the subject, the more I realized this is an integral part of the person. ...My husband is the man of my dreams, and I could not face the rest of my life with the man of my dreams being miserable and guilt ridden over being gay." -- Woman on her 24-year relationship with a gay man Source: The New York Times

Such marriages are not just artifacts of the closeted 1950's. In the 16th century, Queen Anne of Denmark had eight children with King James I of England, known not only for the King James Bible, but also for his devotion to male favorites, one of whom he called "my sweet child and wife."

Other women include Constance Wilde, Phyllis Gates, Linda Porter, Renata Blauel and Dina Matos McGreevey, wed respectively to Oscar Wilde, Rock Hudson, Cole Porter, Elton John and James E. McGreevey, the former governor of New Jersey.

Although precise numbers are impossible to come by, 10,000 to 20,000 such wives have contacted online support groups, and increasing numbers of them are women in their 20's or 30's.

On the whole these are not marriages of convenience or cynical efforts to create cover. Gay and bisexual men continue to marry for complex reasons, many impelled not only by discrimination, but also by wishful thinking, the layered ambiguities of sexual love and authentic affection.

"These men genuinely love their wives," said Joe Kort, a clinical social worker in Royal Oak, Mich., who has counseled hundreds of gay married men, including a minority who stay in their marriages. Many, he said, considered themselves heterosexual men with homosexual urges that they hoped to confine to private fantasy life.

"They fall in love with their wives, they have children, they're on a chemical, romantic high, and then after about seven years, the high falls away and their gay identity starts emerging," Mr. Kort said. "They don't mean any harm."

Helen Fisher, a research anthropologist at Rutgers University, said in an interview that human partnerships are shaped by three independent neurochemical brain-body systems, responsible respectively for sexual attraction, romantic yearning and long-term attachment.

"The three systems are very fickle. They can act together, or they can act separately," Dr. Fisher said. This, she said, helps explain why people can be wildly sexually attracted to those they have no romantic interest in, and romantically drawn to — or permanently attached to — people who hold no sexual interest.

"Once the system is triggered, it's so chemically powerful that you can easily overlook everything about that person that doesn't work for you," Dr. Fisher said. "Even straight people have fallen in love with people they could never make a life with," she said.

This is cold comfort to women who lose not only the men they love, but also their faith in how to parse reality. "A lot of women feel that they were just used as covers, but I know in my heart of hearts he loved me," Mrs. Remmele said. "You can't fake the way he used to look at me.

"I had no suspicions whatsoever. He's very masculine looking. It's not like he had Barbra Streisand or show tunes on."

Mr. Kort, however, said that women should look deeper. "Straight people rarely marry gay people accidentally," he wrote in a case study of a mixed-orientation marriage published last September in Psychotherapy Networker, a magazine for which this reporter is the features editor.

Some women, Mr. Kort said, find gay men less judgmental and more flexible, while others unconsciously seek partnerships that are not sexually passionate.

But that sort of speculation infuriated Michele Weiner-Davis, a marriage therapist and author. "That's psychobabble," Ms. Wiener-Davis said. "A lot of gay people don't know they're gay. So how in the world are their spouses supposed to have some sort of gaydar?"

She continued, "Therapists should deal with the real issues — the shock to her system, that her husband wasn't who she thought he was and the impact on her own identity."

In the months after the discovery, Mrs. Remmele said, her husband left her alone with the baby on many evenings as he explored desires he had never dared to acknowledge. "So many of the gay spouses, they've denied themselves for so long, and it's like they're going through teenage-hood," Mrs. Remmele said. "I don't know if they really realize how much they're hurting their spouse."

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At first, Mrs. Remmele told nobody. "We live in a small rural community, and people just aren't openly gay here," she said. "I didn't want people making fun of him."

About two-thirds of the women who contact the International Straight Spouse Network in El Cerrito, Calif., eventually divorce, said Amity Pierce Buxton, 77, a retired school administrator who founded the group in 1992 and has been researching the topic since 1986.

Despite their shock and their anger, many women, especially those criticized by gay husbands for being too sexually demanding, are relieved to understand what was wrong.

The remaining third of those she has studied try to preserve their marriages, Dr. Buxton said. Half of those stay married for three years or more. More than 600 such couples belong to online support groups.

In a 2001 study, published in The Journal of Bisexuality, of 137 still-married gay and bisexual men and their wives, Dr. Buxton found that most lived in suburbs and medium-size cities and had been married for 11 to 30 years. Only tiny percentages lived in rural areas, where family privacy may be harder to maintain.

The survival of even a small minority of these marriages calls into question the conceptual shoe boxes into which human partnerships, affection, attraction, commitment and sexuality are often jammed. Describing their permutations and combinations turns out to be much more complicated than checking a box on a form labeled "gay," "bisexual" or "straight."

One woman in her 50's, who asked to be identified only as Trillian, out of concern for her husband's privacy, said that she and her husband formally divorced after she discovered his secret sexual life seven years ago, but they quickly decided to stay together. She has a satisfying monogamous sexual relationship with him, while he also has sex with men.

"He tried to go back in the closet, but the more research I did on the subject, the more I realized this is an integral part of the person," she said. "You can't just turn it off like a light switch. My husband is the man of my dreams, and I could not face the rest of my life with the man of my dreams being miserable and guilt ridden over being gay."

She and her husband, together for 24 years, live in Ohio and work in manufacturing plants.

Paulette Cormack, a teacher who lives in Napa, Calif., has been married to her husband, Jerry, a retired city planner, for 36 years. For 34 years, Mrs. Cormack said in an interview, she has known that although she and her husband are sexually active together, his erotic desires otherwise focus almost exclusively on men. "It's not easy, but I truly do love him," Mrs. Cormack said.

Mr. Cormack is now involved with another married gay man, and Mrs. Cormack has had extramarital relationships. Neither has explicitly discussed this with their son, who is 25.

They remain intensely committed to each other. Last year Mr. Cormack nursed Mrs. Cormack through four months of treatments for cancer of the fallopian tubes. She eventually made a fully recovery.

"What is intimacy?" pondered Mr. Cormack, as the couple sat in a coffeehouse in Berkeley, Calif., after watching "Brokeback Mountain" with others in similar situations.

He added: "I am totally committed on all levels to Paulette. I felt so intimate with her when I was caring for her during her cancer treatments — to me, that's a stronger expression of love than whether I'm having anonymous sex with a man."