Mother's Day Post -OK its a bit late....

Here's a belated 'Mother's Day' post courtesy of New Orlearns soul child, Jim Williams.

My mother, Mrs. Hildred Williams mother of 3, walked through the fire of hard work, scrimping and Hurwitz Mintz Furniture Store to acquire the genuine imitation Louis XIV green velvet sofa, which became the hallmark of her decorating flair. Without the help of the current batch of electronic “How to” shows, Hildred, over the years, had developed a strong fashion eye starting with the hand me down faux oak floral chintz Americana which adorned her first home to the bright orange sectional (with matching ski-lodge fire place) to the brown velvet bachelors love pit (which was more influenced by my father’s mid life crisis) all of which were discarded as Hildred fine tuned her decorating skills.

Hence, I find it important to share Hildred’s simple rules and accessories for home décor and enhancement:

Rule #1-Sofas are for company only. It doesn’t matter that you don’t receive company or that company when it finally showed up is entertained at the kitchen table. They are not to be used by the immediate family unless every other stick of furniture had been lost. In that case, it would still be preferable for the family to sit on the floor.

Accessory Suggestion #1- A barricade of assorted pillows, dolls, stuffed objects and throws to obscure the sofa thus camouflaging it and making sitting impossible.

Rule #2-The living area of any home should always be off limits. The slightest sign of footsteps in shag carpets or on the faux marble should lead to immediate punishment or banishment or both for the offending individual.

Accessory Suggestion#2- A Hoover vacuum cleaner and three young children trained at removing the tell tale signs of footsteps on marble or carpet.

Rule#3-There should always be flowers in the living room. The flowers must always be plastic or silk. They tend to look more lifelike and can be washed or dusted every five to six years. Granted, you may have a garden but garden’s are for neighbors to praise.

Accessory Suggestion#3-Pledge it works well on plastic flowers, woodwork and a lifetime of knickknacks with intricate designs collected over the years and stored in the living Room.

Rule#4-Drapes don’t have to match sofa, area rug or walls. They are best composed of several pairs of various lengths and widths purchased on sale and sewn together to save. Hildred says it best when she says, “I don’t care if it doesn’t match; I’m not throwing out a perfectly good heater.”

Accessory Suggestion#4 - A sewing machine can recreate the miracle of the loaves and fishes with the right pair of curtains and a true decorating force.

Rule#5-No children in the living room. Children break knickknacks, throw pillows and leave foot prints. Also, you can create an area no child will want to enter by keeping embarrassing baby, grade school, ceremonial photographs and other memorabilia that shows their transition from ugly duckling to passable duckling.

Accessory Suggestion#5 - At least one child who will pimp out the others for breaking knickknacks, throwing pillows and leaving footprints. In addition, they are a good form of cheap labor and can be used in the upkeep and maintenance as retribution for being in the living room in the first place.

Conclusion, follow these guidelines and you are on your way to a life of gracious living.