SLUTS, WHORES, HOS.....

d. Slut

An individual who takes pleasure in sex & sexuality. That means to fuck as is her/his wont and without guilt or remorse; when the sun comes up, her/his body is still her own. These individuals wield a profound power because they are in full possession of their own sexuality.

from Mistress Ruby Ties It Together
By Robin Shamburg


Scenario(s):

§ Max went out to have a fun night with friends. Max danced, flirted and made out with a number of girls. He got lucky with 2, although he only took 1 home, giving the other a rain-check. This would bring Max’s monthly sex total to 5, & it was only the 10th of the month.

§ Melanie hung out with her girlfriends & told them she wanted to hook-up with a cutie. They were attending a party thrown by her co-worker’s boyfriend, who is a DJ. Melanie had all kinds of attention and offers but chose to take 1 guy home after she confirmed with her friends that the girl he was with was NOT interested in him. With this, Melanie carved notch 8 into her headboard in this already young year.

Once someone has granted a person the title ‘slut’, it sticks. If someone is coy about sexuality or does not have much sexual experience, but has a string of known sexual experiences, they may be called a slut, by judgmental onlookers. However, once they become monogamous or becomes less sexually active, they will likely retain their status as ‘slut’. Like an annoying relative, ‘sluthood’ is easy to get, but difficult to get rid of. If a woman or man desires sex and actively pursues it, their behavior is not viewed as sexually self-determined, but oftentimes pathologized or viewed as a personal problem.

Discourse on desire and sexuality in the United States is in an infantile state. There is a fear of owning up to one’s sexual desires, fear of what attempting to achieve them might bring and a fear of harsh judgment form society. The thought of a sexually liberated heterosexual woman creates fear within heterosexual men. The het man may be bombarded by insecurities which beg him to ask: Will she be more sexually experienced than he? Will she be too demanding in bed? Will I not be in control of our sex lives? Will she fool around on me if I don’t please her in bed? The thought of a ‘sexually liberated’ het male is usually taken for granted, het men are expected to have had a number of sexual experiences and expected to flaunt their prowess among their peers as a means to exemplify their maleness. The challenge to this type of society is to redefine gendered meanings around sexuality, desire and sexual experience. This would lead to women who feel free to express their erotic (both in & beyond) needs & desires and have an expectation that their het male partners will try & meet them. The power dynamic would be forever changed, leaving het men to be expected to respect women and not hang their maleness on such superfluous nails as ‘gender’.

With the current state of het sexuality being such, one would think queers offer a more liberatory view of sexuality. Sure the sexual energy of queer men (in general) is pretty high & ambitious and there are fewer judgments, but they still view sex through a gendered lens. For example, if someone receives the penis (oral/anal) they are considered the ‘bottom’, receptive and therefore feminized; if someone enters the orifice (oral/anal) they are considered the ‘top’ or insertive partner and therefore ‘masculinized’. Aggressiveness is attributed to maleness and passiveness is attributed to femaleness. In actual sexual interactions (amongst queers & hets), there is usually some combination of passiveness & aggressiveness. Indeed, role reversal, or acting out sexually contrary to how one ‘presents’ has the power to create powerful sexual chemistry.

In the end one should explore what they like about sex (if anything), an not be afraid to openness to further exploration with different partners, while not compromising what they need to be fulfilled.

To round this piece out AMPULA correspondent Jim adds the following:

When I think of the word whore, I think of English drawing room comedies and 18th century literature where some doomed heroine is condemned to death for some past indiscretion. Let’s get one thing straight, I am not a whore.
You can call me a Ho. I like the word Ho because it calls to mind the Black exploitation pictures of the seventies. Yes, I see myself as a male Pam Grier-all afro, flashy polyester and by-the-balls attitude. I think seventies icon Pam Grier might have been called a Ho in all of her films right before kicking the culprits butt. So, call me a Ho as long as I get to kick your butt after you’re done.
My detractors just say slut. The only thing is slut seems dirty. I don’t know why but say the two words: Ho and Slut. There is something strong and forceful about the word Ho while slut sounds steeped in grime and dirt of hesitation. Years ago, one of my friends (He was definitely a Ho) taught me the difference between a slut and a Ho. One gets paid and the other doesn’t get paid for their sexual endeavors; however, I’ve broadened the definition to someone who loves one thing so much he or she doesn’t mind getting paid for doing it. Funny, I can never remember which went with his original definition. I know my friend always said he was going to be the best Ho he could be. Co-opting that old armed forces tag seemed something a good Ho would do. It doesn’t hurt that at various times I have been called all of the above and a few other names, I won’t go into at this time. Yet, the only one time the words had any sting was when the word slut was used and even then, I was left wondering what’s so bad about it.
Let’s face it all these words stems from someone’s desire to classify that which they don’t really know. Before the feminist movement and the emergence of a new genre of women’s writers of the later twentieth century, most male (and many female) authors painted their female characters as either madonnas or whores. Wives who had affairs were whores. Wives who suffered silently were madonnas. Virgins were madonnas until they lost their virginity and if it wasn’t their wedding night they became whores. There was no middle ground-you were either good or bad.
Now, we do it a bit differently. We seldom speak of whores unless you’re writing a Woody Allen/Gary Marshall Movie and searching for another way to write the proverbial misguided girl with the heart of gold. Too bad, these sugar coated paper dolls would never be considered a Ho or even a slut in my book. Hell, they aren’t even whores but some middle aged man’s fantasy of what prostitution is all about. I won’t dare tackle that issue here. Let’s move on to the world of rap. Rappers really don’t sing about whores or even sluts. It’s the Ho who gets immortalized (for lack of a better word) by the folks with the mike. Yeah, almost every rapper rhymes about his present girlfriend in glowing terms-she could never be any of the above. Let the relationship end and she moves to Ho status. Have we just relabeled that old Woody Allen/Gary Marshall Movie in gangsta attire and called it a day?
So, what does it all mean? Not a damn thing, the reality of the situation is if you are truly what you are. So own it, be it and don’t let anyone label you anything that you’re not or not afraid to call yourself.

-Jim "HO"